Open Letter #1(The Light Barely Shines)
The Light Barely Shines: Open Letter #1
August 2nd 2009
Guilt:
Make me slit my wrists.
Crimson tears scatter,
Stain.
All your Dreams now Exist.
Frail.
The reason you chose
But I summed you up faster.
Your lies are now all exposed.
Have you ever had the experience of waking up in the morning but thinking you’re still asleep? Having the strange sensation that you have no control of your movements, actions or anything and you were just watching what your body was doing. I’d like to say my life has been veiwed in this perspective, but little bits and pieces felt different. The times when I look back on how I was a little boy sharing a room with one of my sisters. I kept her up late at night, jumping on the bed opera singing and telling wild and strange stories that my youthful prepubescent mind thought up. To this day she won’t let me forget.
I must have done something wrong in my last life to have been dealt the cards I have been in this life. It’s a wonder my sanity is still intact. But as with all things in life, you cannot chose what’s going to happen in your future and who will enter and when. I’ve had my fair share of broken hearts and my fair share of tears being shed. I wish life were as simple as when I was back jumping on my bed, keeping my sister awake. But life would be boring if it were so simple.
[unknown month] 2008 & March 24th 2011
Self Mantra
Try harder,
Push harder.
Eat dog eat dog.
Throw reservation out the window.
Throw regret at your Id and Ego.
Destroy those fears & phobias you hold dear.
Push harder
Try harder
Push the hate down the stairs;
Decimate your uncertainty.
That voice inside your head
Saying you’re never good enough.
Ignore it!
It speaks lies.
Try harder
Push Harder,
Embrace & take hold.
Put your best foot forward.
I promise that you
Will never fall.
Push harder
Try harder.
Do your very best.
Be brave! Be Proud!
Be active! Be loud!
But most of all…
Never stop believing in yourself.
Nothing is impossible.
Nothing is too great,
When you have yourself on your side.
I almost forgot that I wasn’t in it all by myself. Cruelly, this life has tossed me aside and walked over my abused corpse. Now I have no doubts about me, I am my own man and I’m not willing to accept whatever abuse others will throw my way. I am strong now. I am not living in the shadows, down trodden by my past. I am a figure of complete and utter serenity. My eyes are open and they will not close from those shadows that roam the alleys late at night and pounce on their unsuspecting victims. My sanity is intact, because I still can think coherently.
theepicpoetaaronjay 